List Therapy.

Making lists soothes me. Sometimes I even catch myself praying in list format. This could very well be a symptom of OCD... I’m choosing to embrace it.

Anyways.

Fear. I have a lot of fears. Fears regarding Bolivia, fears regarding the future.  And some really random fears that have no basis in anything. I Googled them. It made me feel slightly less insane knowing there’s someone out there that took the time to scientifically name them. I’d like to think that OCD list-making is a few notches below that feat on the crazy ladder. For your reading pleasure, here are a few:

1)      Chronophobia - Fear of time. Sometimes, life just drags on. Kind of like Bolivian internet. Other times, it moves really fast. This intimidates me. There’s so much I want to do. I don’t want to miss anything. Time changes people. Sometimes this is a good thing. Sometimes this is a great thing. Other times, it makes me sad. Time takes people places. Schools, jobs, foreign countries. Time changes. Time separates.

2)      Podophobia - Fear of feet. I have no idea where this came from. There’s just something about them. I can’t handle it.

3)      Xenophobia - Fear of the unknown. I have no idea what I’m going to do with my life. Usually, I am okay with this. But sometimes, the future is a wee bit scary. What if I were to stay in Bolivia for the rest of my life? I say I would do anything for God, but could I seriously leave everything behind, and live this life without a return ticket? On the other hand, what if I were to live in Prince George for the remainder of my time on earth? I claim my contentment is in God, but could I really surrender all my plans?

4)      Soteriophobia - Fear of being incapable. I have a little bit of an inner feminist that occasionally slips out. I admit this. I like to do it myself. I’m kind of like a 2-year old. I’m scared of needing someone else’s help.

5)      Parkophobia - Fear of parking. Anyone who has driven with me in a crowded, or even maybe-not-so-crowded parking lot understands this. If there is even the slightest chance of me hitting another vehicle, I will park 3 blocks away in order to avoid this. If there is a chance of me having to parallel park, I will park 10 blocks away in order to avoid this.

I recognize that these are not rational fears. There are very few things in life that deserve to be feared. Fear is a liar. And for every BIG fear I have, I have someone bigger. Instead of living with fear, I will live in fear of the one who created everything. Who created time, feet, the future, the past, too-big-for-me tasks, and ground to park that car. I will fear the one who calms all my fears.

Because:

1)      Malachi 3:6 - “I am the Lord, and I do not change.” When everything changes, He will not. I will be content with this.

2)      Isaiah 52:7 – “How beautiful are the feet of the messenger who brings good news.” Feet are beautiful. I will accept this.

3)      Jeremiah 29:11 – “ ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.’” Nuff said.

4)      Matthew 18:4 – “So anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven.” I am human. I do need help. 

5)      Exodus 23:20 – “See, I am sending an angel before you to protect you on your journey and lead you safely to the [parking spot] I have prepared for you.” Amen to that, Moses.

Fear will not hold me.